


Augenblick

by Ariejul



Series: Alone in the Fallout [16]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Anticipation, Death Bunnies Rule!, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heart-to-Heart, Hope for the future, On the Road Again, Spoilers, family matters, it's complicated - Freeform, worrying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 16:39:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11421948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ariejul/pseuds/Ariejul
Summary: Augenblick: lit 'in the blink of an eye'; a decisive moment in time that is fleeting, yet momentously eventful and incredibly significant.Julia and MacCready make their way back to Sanctuary. Deacon waits and learns the truth.Post-game.Takes place after Momento Mori.





	Augenblick

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. I'm back. Hope everyone in the US had a great 4th.
> 
> Y'all, this kicked my butt. I've probably read, re-read, written and re-written most of this a good dozen or more times. I had the majority of the first scene done before I tossed it, only to draft something I disliked even more. Argh. It also didn't help that my dog just got neutered and underwent his first heart-worm treatment (which is super scary. They use an arsenic based shot to kill them), and he's being the biggest baby ever. I swear he has radar for when I'm writing because suddenly I have a dog's head, complete with cone of shame, all over my keyboard, and he is not a small dog. 
> 
> Anyway, just a warning for anyone new walking in on this story. This is part of a series, and pretty far in. You could *probably* read it stand alone, but a lot of it's not going to make much sense. So please, go back and start at the beginning for the full effect. 
> 
> Welp, on with the show. :)
> 
> Please comment/kudos if you enjoyed it. I love hearing what everyone thinks.
> 
> If you notice any typos, please point them out. I have no beta, and I've looked at this for so long I'm damn near sick of it. It's more than possible something's fucky, I've been exhausted lately.

Julia wakes with a jolt from dreams she doesn’t remember. Blinking against the growing light, it takes a moment to realize she’s still in Goodneighbor. Bobby is asleep in the chair, awkwardly leaning against the dresser with his hat pulled down over his eyes. It doesn’t look very comfortable.

Stretching, she sits up, sighing in relief when her head feels normal. Part of her was afraid when she woke that her head would keep spinning and never stop. It’s completely irrational, and there nonetheless.

She notices a book in the floor, appearing to have slid from Bobby’s lap. It’s open, like he fell asleep reading it. It seems to be a journal of some sort, worn but well kept. Julia walks over, picks it up and sets it down on the dresser.

The noise wakes him. He starts, nearly falling into the floor and dislodging his hat. He meets her eyes, blinking away sleep. “Julia?” He brightens visibly. “You’re awake.”

“Good morning, sleepy head,” she greets with a smile, leaning over with hands on her knees. “You don’t have a crick in your neck, do you?”

“Nah,” Bobby says, rolling his neck and shoulders. He does wince a little, but Julia doesn’t mention it. “Feeling better?”

She nods, sitting back down on the bed and wiggling her bare toes. “You didn’t have to stay in here with me, y’know. I’m a big girl, and we have enough caps for another room.”

He looks equal parts embarrassed and concerned. “I know. Just didn’t think I should leave you alone.” He rubs the back of his neck, gaze falling on anything but her. “Didn’t feel right.”

Julia isn’t about to deny that having him here when she woke up was nice. She didn’t feel quite so alone. Absently palming her stomach, she smiles. “I appreciate it.” A thought occurs to her suddenly. With all the stress yesterday, she’d completely forgotten why they’d come to Goodneighbor in the first place. “Oh, did you find out about your homestead?”

Bobby’s gaze snaps up to her, and he nods. “Yeah. I went to see Hancock after I used the radio. May apparently found a few things that belonged to Lucy and wanted to return them. She rode in with a caravan to deliver them personally.” Julia glances toward the book on the dresser, wondering it that was part of it.

“That was nice of her,” Julia murmurs, absently touching the place where Nate’s ring sets against her chest. “You okay?”

Bobby doesn’t respond for a while, picking up the book and studying it. “Yeah,” he whispers tenderly, making her heart melt, “I’m great.”

She takes his hand and squeezes, smiling at him when he looks up.

“May wanted to meet you, actually, since you helped save Duncan but couldn’t hang around until you woke up without missing the caravan back,” he says.

Julia frowns. “What do you mean? I wasn’t asleep that long. You could have woken me.”

Bobby looks at her in concern. “Julia, we’ve been in Goodneighbor for nearly four days. You’ve been out since that first night, and nothing could wake you.”

“I… what? Really?” Julia stares in surprise.

Bobby nods, setting the book down on the dresser and placing his hat on top. “Yeah. Doc Amari came back when you didn’t wake up. She said you just were exhausted but fine. Hancock’s been by a time or two to check up on you, too. He was worried.”

She nods, making a note to go see John before leaving. This is the first time she’s been in Goodneighbor since the mess with Deacon, and John is probably dying of curiosity over the outcome. Actually, she’s somewhat surprised he hadn’t made his way up to Sanctuary. She never thanked him for his help, either.

“Sorry, for worrying you.”

Bobby waves away the apology. “Not a big deal. You needed the rest.”

“Guess I did,” she agrees absently.

Silence falls between them, and Julia has no idea how to fill it. Her thoughts keep drifting, dread a lingering constant in the back of her mind. She wants to go home to Sanctuary, to Deacon – _Ryan –_ and Shaun, but it also terrifies her. She still isn’t sure how she’s going to tell either of them. How to explain that this little miracle growing inside her might very well kill her when it’s born. That she might abandon them both to this horrid world and more of its endless suffering.

She closes her eyes and sighs heavily.

“I’m pretty sure Deacon wants to kill me,” he says apropos of nothing.

Julia groans, rubbing her face. “What makes you say that?”

“Got a damned earful over the radio,” he says, smirking a little. “He’s a spitfire, Julia. You gotta have your hands full.”

She glances at him through her fingers. “You have no idea, Bobby. No. Idea.”

He barks a laugh, and it’s nice to hear. It drives back the fear, if only momentarily. “Don’t think I want to. He was _very_ colorful. Man has a way with words.”

She allows herself a small, private smile at that. Indeed, he does. “He didn’t actually want me to come,” she says, spinning the ring she still wears on her finger absently. “I had to talk him down. Which isn’t an activity I particularly enjoy, mind you. What did you tell him anyway?”

“I didn’t tell _him_ anything.” He crosses his arms, and he almost looks like he’s pouting a little. “I was talking to Sturges, telling him we were going to be a little late since the doctor wanted you to rest a couple days. Apparently he was listening because next thing I know, I’m getting called all sorts of interesting things. Don’t even know what some of them _mean_.”

Julia’s heart drops, remembering the promise she made him. “Shit, Bobby. I’m sorry. I was supposed to call him up on the radio when we got here. I forgot all about it.”

He grins. “Well, you did have a few other things on your mind. Don’t worry about it, Julia. No harm done. I do think he was convinced I’d knocked you over the head and had my way with you or something, though.”

“Ugh. That man, I swear.” Julia sighs, still feeling guilty that Bobby had to put up with Deacon’s ire. Deacon has always been something of a worrywart, even though he hides it well, and when she didn’t call… He probably thought the worst. “You didn’t… mention why, did you?”

“What? No! It ain’t my business to share,” he says, looking mildly offended. “Made it sound like dehydration.”

“Okay,” Julia nods, staring absently at her hands. “Are you ready to head out today?”

He watches her, brows knit in concern. “Think the better question is: are you?”

She waves him off and starts stomping into her boots. “Yeah, I’m great. We’ve been here too long anyway. If we’re going to swing by Diamond City, we shouldn’t waste anymore time bumming around. I also wanna swing by and talk to John before we go.”

Bobby still looks worried, but he just nods. “Alright.”

After quickly gathering their belongings they head for the Old State House. John is in his office when they arrive. “Hey there, sister,” he greets, relief playing plainly across his face.

Julia waves, dropping her bag at the door with a sigh. “John, hi.”

“Glad to see you’re up and about. Was starting to worry about you,” the ghoul says, taking a drag from the cigarette dangling between his fingers. “And MacCready. My favorite merc. Keeping our girl safe, yeah?”

“Course,” he replies.

“So, what can I do for my favorite Vaultie?”

Julia hesitates. It’s strange to be at a loss for words with John, but everything that’s happened has just thrown her off kilter. Even the simplest things are nearly too much these days. “I just… it’s been a while, right? Since I was in town, I wanted to say hi, and thanks.”

John grins but brushes off the gratitude. “You ain’t gotta go thanking me for nothing. Always happy to help a friend.” His dark eyes find hers, suddenly piercing. “Now, you gonna tell me what’s going on? MacCready gave me some bull about being dehydrated, but we both know you ain’t so careless.”

“Sorry, John, but no. I’m not. Not yet.” She steadies herself, making her voice sound more confident than she feels. It’s not that she wants to keep it from him. The opposite actually, but she’s worried that Deacon might hear from someone else. She doesn’t want that. John can find out later.

He looks hurt. “Aww, c’mon now, sister. Not even a hint? You know I’m just worried about you.” He eyes her from head to toes. “Be a shame, anything happened to a pretty thing like you.”

“I’m not dying,” she says, glancing back at Bobby, again grateful that he didn’t make mention of her condition to anyone. Gossip like that could spread like wildfire.

He sighs but knows not to press further. “Well, can you at least tell me how the goose-chase went? Didn’t hear from you after you left with Valentine, but I’m guessing well?”

Julia nods at that, a small smile curling her lips. “Yeah, it went fine. Tracked him down and dragged him back to Sanctuary.”

“Good,” he nods, too, stubbing his cigarette out in the ashtray and popping a Mentat. “Though, looking at your track record, expected nothing less. Man never stood a chance against you.”

Bobby’s quiet through the rest of their conversation. He listens idly, leaning against the door frame, as Julia details her trek across the Commonwealth after Deacon, and some of the aftermath. She realizes about half-way in that she never actually told Bobby what happened. Just that it did.

John laughs, offering a Mentat that she refuses. “Well, good for you. Glad it all worked out.”

She nods, standing. “Sorry to chat and run, but we better get going. Got to swing by Diamond City before we head back to Sanctuary. It was good to see you, John.”

He nods, shaking her hand and pulling her into a one-armed hug. “You gotta swing by sometime when you ain’t dying on my doorstep. Gonna start shortening my lifespan making me worry so much.”

She chuckles a little, pulling away. “I’ll try. You know you’re welcome anytime in Sanctuary. I’m sure Shaun would love to pick your brain about all the shit we got up to before the Institute fell. He loves hearing all about that.”

“I bet,” he hums softly, sprawling languidly on the couch. “Maybe I’ll swing by sometime.”

After saying their goodbyes and resupplying at Daisy’s and Kill or Be Killed, they head off. Thankfully, the area outside Goodneighbor still seems relatively clear. Bobby keeps side-eyeing her though.

After nearly an hour, Julia can’t take it anymore. “Bobby, if you got something to say, just say it.”

He jumps, acting like a scolded child. “You never mentioned you found him half-dead.”

She shrugs, gripping her rifle and studying the surrounding terrain to keep from looking at him. “Didn’t seem that important to mention.” Julia really doesn’t want to discuss that again. A lot of the details were glossed over with John, but she’s worried Bobby will want to know everything if he starts asking, so she derails him. “And I know that isn’t what you want to say, so quit dancing around whatever it is.”

He sighs. “I’m just worried. I didn’t notice until too late something was wrong with you, and it nearly got you killed.”

“Bobby, honestly, it’s fine. I’m fine. I don’t blame you at all. It was all my own stubbornness.” She stops, turning toward him. “How about this. If I start to feel weird again, even a little, I’ll make sure I tell you ASAP. Sound good?”

He hesitates before nodding. “Yeah. I can handle that.”

 

It takes a bit longer than usual to make their way to Diamond City, mainly because they’re sneaking around hostiles instead of engaging, and Julia tires much more easily than usual. Bobby is also getting on her nerves. He keeps hovering, asking constantly if she needs anything or if she feels alright. Or does she need to rest. Does she need water? Food? It’s enough that she seriously contemplates cracking him over the head with the butt of her rifle. She knows it wouldn’t solve anything, but damn would it make her feel better.

Curie is standing outside the surgery center and brightens when she sees them. “Oh, Madam Julia. Monsieur MacCready. How wonderful to see you both. What brings you here?”

Julia smiles, greeting her with a small hug. “It’s good to see you, too, Curie. Um, do you think we could head inside? I’d like to talk to you about something.”

“Of course! Doctor Sun is out at the moment, so we’ll have the place to ourselves,” she says, ushering them inside. She wants to strangle Bobby when he insists on helping her down the small ladder, even though she is more than capable.

Sighing, Julia doesn’t know how to start. Blurting it out is something she could do, but that strikes her as a terrible idea. Shifting in her seat, she brushes a hand through her hair and takes a deep breath. “Would you be able to come back to Sanctuary for a while?”

Curie glances between the pair, concern plain on her face. She’s obviously noticed all of Bobby’s damned hovering. “There are a few things I would need to finish here first, but I would be more than happy to return to Sanctuary. Is someone in need of medical attention?”

Julia hesitates, unsure of how much she wants to reveal. “I am, actually.”

Surprise finds its way to the Synth’s face. “You? Oh, no. Is everything alright? I can do a full examination right now!” She starts to stand before Julia catches her arm.

“Curie, calm down,” she says, “I’m not ill. I’m just… expecting.”

She stops dead, turning back to Julia. A pleased expression breaks across her face. “Oh, Julia! How wonderful.” She takes her hands, nearly bouncing. “I would be more than happy to care for you throughout your pregnancy.”

“Thank you, Curie. You have no idea how much of a weight this takes off my shoulders.”

Curie nods after a moment. “Julia, I must ask. Are you expecting complications? Did you have any trouble with your first child?”

Julia nods, glancing at Bobby who, while silent, is observing with concern. She briefly explains her previous complications, pushing back the tears that inevitably attempt to flow. “So, that’s why I’d like you to be there,” she finishes, wringing her hands together.

“But of course. We cannot have you risking yourself due to improper medical care, no? My previous responsibilities should only take a week to complete, then I will return to Sanctuary full time. Do not worry.” Curies smiles warmly, eyes crinkling at the corner. “I am so very happy for you, Julia. Having a baby is such a wonderful thing.”

She nods, smiling back, unwilling to upset Curie with her melancholy. “For the time being, could you not tell anyone? I haven’t had a chance to tell the father yet.”

Curie nods dutifully. “Of course. I would not dream telling anyone without permission.” She side-eyes Julia a moment. “I know it is unprofessional, but if I may ask as your friend, who is the father? I did not know you were romantically involved with anyone.”

That insights a blush to spread across Julia’s cheeks. Curie has been gone from Sanctuary for a long time, and they haven’t had occasion to speak really since she left. “You remember Deacon, don’t you?”

Curie coos at that, clapping her hands together in joy. “Oh, so you finally affirmed your affections with Monsieur Deacon? How lovely. I’m so very happy for you.”

“Thanks, I am… too,” Julia admits, glancing over at Bobby. An uncomfortable expression sits heavily on his face, though Curie hasn’t noticed. “Curie, it’s been wonderful and thank you for all your help, but we really need to head out. I’d like to make use of as much daylight as I can.”

“Certainly.” Her doctor expression plants itself in place. “Julia, you must make sure you are getting plenty of rest. Do not forget to eat! Your baby needs every nutrient it can get.” She turns to the table, searching before she grabs a bottle and places it in her hands. “These are vitamins. Please make sure to take one in the morning and one at night. They will supplement anything you might be missing from your diet. Please make sure she takes care of herself, Monsieur MacCready,” she says, turning to the man in question.

Bobby nods. Julia thanks her again, and the pair take their leave.

The sun is still relatively high in the sky as they leave Diamond City, and if their luck holds, they should be able to make it to Sanctuary sometime tomorrow afternoon. Anxious energy starts coiling up inside Julia’s chest, though she does her best to stamp it down. Deacon will certainly have questions, and he won’t be terribly patient about getting his answers for them. She isn’t looking forward to that particular conversation, playing different scenarios in her head.

Bobby continues his mother hen routine after they leave, and Julia just can’t take anymore. “Bobby,” she snaps, whirling around to face him. “You are driving me insane. Would you please stop treating me like an infant! I’m fine! I’ve been fine! I’ll _be_ fine! Quit fretting.”

He flinches back, eyes wide, and the kicked puppy look he gives her makes her wish suddenly that she hadn’t snapped. “Jeez, okay.”

Silence reigns for the rest of the day, and Julia finds herself honestly beginning to miss the noise of his worrying. Her thoughts seep up again through the cracks in her armor, trying to drown her. She thinks of her sweet, sweet husband and her beautiful baby, and how she’d only just gotten all her strength back when the Bombs fell.

Nate’s brother, Bobby, was supposed to come over the evening of that fateful day to babysit while they were gone to the Veteran’s Hall. She remembers he was an absolute pest, too, when she was sick. How often had she snapped at him, just like now, in the months before Shaun was born? In many ways, she was closer to him than her own sister. Julia is no stranger to the unfairness of the world, after all, she saw many terrible things while in the courtroom, but that still doesn’t stop the thought that it all just seems cruel.

She wonders, with a fierceness that takes her breath, what happened to Bobby. Did he die when the Bombs fell? Did he linger, wandering as a ghoul? Did his mind rot away from the rads? Was he one of the nameless ferals to end up at the wrong end of her gun? Is he still alive somewhere, waiting for her to find him?

She swallows heavily, wet pressure heavy behind her eyes. There is no end to that path, no answers she could ever gain. Whatever happened to him, wherever he ended up, Julia will never ever know. She barely manages to push aside those thoughts before tears start flowing.

Bobby doesn’t talk to her again until they set up camp that night. He hands her some Brahmin jerky, and she can feel his eyes on her as she chews. “Julia,” he finally says, “Sorry. For earlier.”

She glances over at him, pulled back from her wandering thoughts. “No, it’s okay. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I know you’re just trying to help.”

“Nah,” he says, pulling down the brim of his hat. “I deserved it. Lucy always hated it when I hovered over her, too. Nearly threw me out more than once before Duncan was born.”

Julia smiles at the gentle expression on his face.

“It’s just…” he rubs his eyes with a sigh. “You’re about the only friend I got, and I want to make sure nothing happens to you. This place would suck without you.”

“I know you don’t mean anything by it,” she reassures him. “I’m just stressed right now.”

He nods in understanding. “If you want to talk about anything, I’m happy to listen.”

She thinks for a moment, wondering if she ought to tell him about Nate’s brother, and how he often reminds her of him at the strangest times. “It’s not going to change anything. Thanks though,” Julia murmurs around her jerky, drinking from a can of purified she pulled earlier from her pack. “I can take first watch.”

Bobby immediately vetoes that. “No, _you’re_ going to rest. I’m taking watch.” He ushers her into the tent. “And don’t worry so much. It’s going to be fine.”

Julia finds sleep a near impossible task, tossing and turning most of the night. Her thoughts tend to drift back to her life before, the urge to _know_ what happened to everyone she loved near overwhelming. She does manage to fall asleep a few hours before dawn. It certainly isn’t _enough_ sleep, but it’s better than nothing.

 

Deacon, Shaun, and Duncan are all standing at the bridge as they round the curve coming into Sanctuary. Julia freezes when she sees them, fear coursing up her spine. Bobby places a hand at the small of her back, urging her forward. “C’mon, we can’t keep them waiting.”

Duncan, unable to hold back any longer, rushes forward and catapults himself into Bobby’s arms. “Dad! I’m so glad you’re back. I missed you.”

Bobby wraps his arms tightly around him. “I missed you, too, buddy. Were you good while I was gone?”

The boy nods brightly. “Yeah, Deacon was teaching me and Shaun about Shakespeare. It was pretty awesome.”

Bobby glances toward the older man slowly making his way over curiously and nods.

Deacon nods back, stiffly, as Shaun wraps his arms tightly around Julia. “Mom, I’m so happy to see you. I was worried when you didn’t come back on time.”

“I’m sorry, sweetie. I didn’t mean to worry you,” she whispers, hugging him tightly with all her might. Tears start to slip down her cheeks before she can stop them, startling everyone present.

“Mom?” Shaun looks up with wide eyes, brushing away the wetness. “Don’t cry. It’s okay.”

She clings to her son. “I know, baby. I just missed you _so_ much.” Deacon walks over to the pair, and Julia immediately pulls him in. She doesn’t notice when Bobby herds Duncan away, into Sanctuary proper. “I missed you, too,” she whispers into his ear, pressing a kiss along his jawline.

He squeezes her once, briefly, before directing them back across the bridge. “C’mon, let’s get you home.”

Home. Julia looks toward the gates open wide and smiles.

Deacon doesn’t approach her about what happened in Goodneighbor immediately like she thought he might. He waits until Shaun is out of the house, glued to Sturges’s hip as the pair tinker with some new gadget or another.

Julia is sitting on the couch, staring absently into nothing as Travis babbles in the background. The edge of dread is still sharp in her chest, but it’s dulled greatly since her return. Just being here, in Sanctuary, with Deacon by her side is enough to make all but the greatest of fear flee.

He touches her shoulder, and she jerks. “Jules,” he says, sunglasses gone and concern clear in those beautiful eyes. “You wanna tell me what happened in Goodneighbor?”

“Yeah, okay.” She sighs, patting the seat beside her. “Sit down. Let’s talk.”

He obeys, gaze still firmly on her.

“Before we do, I want to make something perfectly clear,” she says, trying to put off the main topic as long as possible. “Bobby had nothing to do with what happened, and if you blame him, you’re sleeping on the couch from now on, hear me?”

His eyes widen a bit before he snorts. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Good.” Julia plays with the hem of her sleeve, refusing to look at him. She knew this conversation would happen sooner rather than later, but she still isn’t prepared. Knots that had begun to uncoil tighten again in her chest, and she has to take a few calming breaths before she can begin.

“I figure you’re aware, but I… fainted outside Goodneighbor. Bobby took me into town, and Doctor Amari looked me over.” She pauses, fidgeting restlessly. Picking at a hangnail, she covertly glances at Deacon. His hands are coiled tightly into fists in his lap, and his entire body looks tense. Julia reaches over and takes his hand.

“I’m okay,” she says, hoping to ease that tension. “Amari just wanted me to rest for a few days.”

He squeezes her hand. “You don’t honestly expect me to believe that line about dehydration, do you?”

Julia flinches at that, shaking her head. “No, I don’t, but this is something I wanted to tell you myself. Face-to-face.”

Deacon lets out a frustrated sigh. “Then tell me what’s wrong. No one just faints without a reason.”

“I never said there wasn’t a reason,” she snaps, sharper than she meant. Her head is starting to pound, stomach rolling in a sickening sort of way. She hates how her tongue feels leaden, twisting against her will and making it all so difficult.

“Are you going to tell me, or should I start guessing?” Deacon replies, irritation in his tone.

“This isn’t easy, dammit, but I’m trying. I…” Julia swallows down the lump in her throat, gaze hovering somewhere just above Deacon’s knee. The weight of his hand in hers is a comforting thing, grounding her in the here and now. She presses her free palm against her stomach. “I’m…” She takes a deep breath. _You can do this, Jules._ “Ryan, I’m… pregnant. Amari thinks about three months along.”

“Well, at least it…” Deacon pauses, obvious that what she just said hasn’t quite sunk in yet. Julia watches as it does, his expression shifting toward something raw. Something she can’t place, but it’s certainly an expression Julia has never seen.

She’s suddenly engulfed in him, and he’s spinning her. “R-Ryan,” she squeaks, grasping his arms at the sudden sensation of nothing under her.

He sets her down slowly, pressing his face against her neck. He’s shaking like a leaf and threading his fingers through her hair with utmost tenderness. “This isn’t…” he exhales roughly, voice hoarse. “I’m not dreaming. Tell me, Jules – _tell me –_ this isn’t a dream.”

It breaks her heart, and Julia cups his face in her hands. “No, baby,” she whispers, tears leaking from her eyes, “You’re not dreaming. This is… it’s _real._ ”

Deacon’s knees give way, and he pulls her to the floor with him. Julia’s draped across his lap, and he’s leaning back on his palms with an astounded expression. She jumps when he starts laughing, an open, honest sound with a crazed edge to it. It’s certainly a feeling Julia can understand well.

“Damn,” he breathes, ruffling his hair with one hand. “Just… damn, Jules. I don’t even… wow.”

“You’re… okay with this, right?” she asks, unable to tell for certain. The emotion flickering across his face is wild and brand new, and something deep inside her warms in the light of it.

“Yeah.” There’s an overwhelming sort of awe to his voice, like he just can’t believe what’s happening. “I’m… shit. This is…” he drifts off, gaze wandering into nothing. Deacon takes a deep breath and looks at her, suddenly serious. “Everything’s okay? With you? Nothing’s… wrong?”

Julia shakes her head, listening to the quickening thump of his heartbeat. “I’m okay.”

He tenses. “I’m sensing a “but” coming on.” When she doesn’t say anything, he brushes knuckles across her cheek. “Hey, talk to me. What’s the matter?”

She clings to him, trying not to shake as all her anxiety comes rushing back. “I… there’s something I need to tell you.”

A flicker of fear passes over his eyes, and he leans forward, pulling her into his arms. “What is it?”

It isn’t easy. She explains to him about her first pregnancy and Shaun’s birth, and how she came so close to dying. He doesn’t comment while she talks, even when she pauses to stifle back tears, but his arms do tighten around her throughout. She doesn’t look at him, can’t bear to, knowing if she sees his expression, it will shatter the little control she has. “I’m scared, Ryan.”

Deacon doesn’t say anything for a while, idly rubbing her back.

She presses her cheek against his arm, squeezing her eyes shut. “Please, say something,” she breathes.

“Hey. Don’t worry,” he finally mutters into her hair. “We’re the Death Bunnies, yeah? There’s nothing the two of us can’t do. It’s gonna be _fi_ _ii_ _ne_.” She doesn’t miss the way his voice cracks slightly despite the joyful tone, or the shiver that runs through him. She isn’t brave enough to call him on it, isn’t brave enough to think about the alternatives.

“I never agreed to that name,” Julia says, wrinkling her nose.

“As a senior agent, my vote carries more weight,” he smirks.

Bless him for trying to distract her. It isn’t quite working, but it’s a gesture that she appreciates greatly. She playfully shoves him. “That’s bullshit.”

He shrugs at that, grin broad and boyishly charming. “If you have a complaint concerning Railroad policies, please take it up with Doctor Carrington, our resident HR person and all around lovable guy. I’m sure he’d be more than happy hearing any complaints. Oh, and maybe after you can have tea, while you swap all the latest gossip.”

Julia can’t help but laugh at that, gripping his arm. “You are terrible, you know that?”

Deacon only shrugs.

A comfortable quiet drifts between them, and Julia finally feels like maybe she can relax, just a little. Things seemed to go well, and Deacon looks happy. Right now, it’s the best she can hope for. She lays a hand over her still flat stomach; Deacon’s rests on top a moment later, pressing a kiss to her temple, and she smiles, feeling safer than she has in quite some time.

It’s by no means perfect, and the future looms dark ahead, but Julia is content in the moment and allows herself to enjoy it.


End file.
